Title of the post in Retrospect category

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Sometimes though, cupid misdirects his aim, and we’re forced to deal with unrequited love when he misses.

If you’ve ever had feelings for someone that weren’t reciprocated, the heartbreak you experience afterward can be all consuming. While rejection (or what we perceive as ‘rejection’) in any form or kind is painful, the truth is that we can’t run from it.

That doesn’t mean we will never get past our experiences. Even though your heart might indeed feel broken, you will move forwards from this. You haven’t been rejected at all. It’s rather a case of misalignment. If you weren’t right for them, it’s also a sign that they weren’t right for you.

You’ve moved past worse experiences than this before and now is the time to tap into that strength that innately, you know resides inside of you. The pain you feel right now is only temporary, and you can move on with the right tools.

Before we get into it, here’s what unrequited love can look like:

– You’re in love with someone, and they don’t feel the same way

– You have romantic feelings for someone who only sees you as a friend

– You still have feelings for your ex, but they’ve moved on

– You’re in love with someone who is in a different relationship

– You want to be with someone, but circumstances won’t allow it (they’re your co-worker, live far away or they don’t feel the same)

– You have romantic feelings for a celebrity or famous person.

How to Deal with Unrequited Love

People have different ways of coping with romantic grief, and while the tips I’m sharing are by no means exhaustive, they can help you learn how to deal with unrequited love.

Emotional pain triggers the same part of the brain responsible for physical pain. This is why you feel like you’re in actual pain when you’re going through heartbreak. It’s essential to accept your feelings of grief and heartbreak so you can work through them. Healing involves acceptance of what you’re going through. Acceptance then invokes validation of your feelings and the situation.

Through grief and acceptance, you acknowledge all the parts of your experience that were hard and invalidate those that were part of a false narrative. While you’re dealing with some pretty difficult emotions right now, remember that even though this is a memory you will carry, the emotions around it will heal.

Make Space For Grief

The next question you need to ask yourself is why you were so drawn to this person? What does this teach you about your own needs? To give an example, did being around them make you feel seen and therefore, more confident?

Maybe you needed emotional intimacy, or they had a personality that showed promise in compatibility for some areas of your life such as travel or similar hobbies. The idea of identifying these factors is to pinpoint your needs so you can learn to fulfil them in other ways.

For instance, if you romantised about all the places you would go together, make plans to visit new places, seek out fresh experiences and create memories. You can do this solo, with friends or explore ways to widen your social circles. Moving past unrequited love is about accepting the pain and sadness, but refusing to bathe in it by keeping up the momentum of your life!

Identify and set boundaries

When we’re pining for someone, we often end up blurring our boundaries and doing things that don’t align with who we are. For instance, you may ask yourself, “why did I travel 6 hours to see someone who doesn’t feel the same way I do?”

Once you start asking different questions, you might realise that you were most likely fixated on what these people said or did in the past. We become obsessed and feed our obsessions by crossing boundaries instead of starving our obsessions. This is now the time to regain your power and control by focusing on what’s important in this moment – you. It’s time to take centre stage of your own life!

First, end all communication between yourself and this person. If you were connected on socials, stop following them. If you still have them in your contact list, delete their number. Rather than trying to establish any communication with this person, reach out to family or friends.

Make Space For Grief

This might seem bland and surface level but we often ignore the activities that define us or make us happy when we’re actively focused on searching for love. We can feel empty when we don’t find it or when that love isn’t reciprocated. Getting back to doing things we love or discovering new ones can be an excellent and positive distraction and a solid, healthy way to rebuild our self-esteem. Through these activities, we learn or remind ourselves what we’re good at, what brings us joy – and potentially meet other people!

Talk about it

You might hear other people suggesting reaching out to the other person and addressing how you feel about them. I really don’t recommend this as deep down you know all you need to know about the dynamic. Other than it being anxiety-inducing, you don’t want to give away your power.

Yes, even if they’re giving you mixed signals, being flirty, or affectionate. If they wanted to be with you, they would. No excuses.

If you tell them how you feel, you’re giving them the opportunity to see the kind of power they held over you. Instead, reach out to a friend you trust and talk to them. You can also try journaling or talking to a professional and and working through your feelings surrounding it. Whoever you choose to talk to or whatever practice you engage in, getting these feelings off your chest will allow you to gain that fresh perspective and accept the reality of the situation.

Ultimately, it’s not our life experiences that define us, but how we choose to respond to different situations and circumstances. So you were in love with someone, and they didn’t or couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. That doesn’t mean that you wasted your love.

It just means they weren’t the right fit for you either. View the experience as a learning opportunity and a chance to go all in on boosting your self-esteem by living your life right now to the absolute full!